JINGO ALL THE WAY

I love the Fourth of July, because it allows me to bust out a garment my long-suffering wife will not tolerate any other day of the year. I speak, of course, of my Ted Nugent T-shirt (T.N.T.).

This marvelous item bears, on the front (the whole front - it's one of those all-over printing jobs normally reserved for tie-dyed Hendrix shirts and pro wrasslin' promo gear), the image of Terrible Ted in guitargasmic abandon, playing against the backdrop of a Patton-sized American flag. And on the back, and this is the really great part, in big red block capitals, it says 'ONE NATION UNDER TED.'

I bought it in early 2000 (January or February, I forget now), when I saw Il Nuge play at Irving Plaza in NYC. He was headlining for one night, off from opening that year's KISS "We're really goin' away this time (no, really)" tour. I took a skeptical buddy, more because I had a +1 than out of the need to proselytize for ol' Ted. I'd been trying for years to make this dude a fan, and it just wasn't gonna take.

Well, Ted rocked the walls down. Sure, there were some crazy bullshit rants in the middle - he was angry at Janet Reno for some reason - but he played every song I wanted to hear, and played them phenomenally well. It was a power trio setup, and his band was airtight and apocalyptically loud. And somewhere around the midpoint of the set, my buddy looked over at me and said, laughing a little, "You're not appreciating this on any kind of ironic level at all, are you?"

"No, I said. That's Ted Nugent up there. I'm 14 years old right now, and I am rocking the fuck out." And I was.

(This isn't the exact same shirt; mine's even better.)

Happy Fourth of July.