Answer each question with the first random song your iPod coughs up. Here goes...
1. How does the world see you? Naked City, "Slan." A 30-second burst of grinding guitars and high-pitched screeching. Yeah, probably.
2. Will I have a happy life? "Siberian Khatru," Yes. My life will be filled with tempo changes and outbursts of wild masturbation. Sounds pretty happy to me.
3. What do my friends think of me? "Pastime Paradise," Stevie Wonder. I'm wasting my life.
4. Do people secretly lust after me? "La Pipa De La Paz," Aterciopelados. Latina hippie chicks do, apparently. Score!
5. How can I make myself happy? "The Codex Necro," Anaal Nathrakh. By being more necro. Works for me.
6. What should I do with my life? "Natural Genocide," Krisiun. Yeah, I don't know if I'm feeling particularly genocidal, but thanks for the suggestion.
7. Will I ever have children? "Being Sucked In Again," Wire. So that's a maybe.
8. What is some good advice for me? "Reelin' and Rockin' (Live)," Chuck Berry. If you get some on your finger, wipe it on the wall. Always good advice.
9. How will I be remembered? "You'll Never Love Me Now," Merle Haggard. Thanks, iPod. Genocide's lookin' more appealing.
10. What's my signature dance song? "Scarface," Geto Boys. What more need be said, really?
11. What's my current theme song? "Nefertiti," Miles Davis. I'm okay with that.
12. What do others think my current theme song is? "Big Fat Ma and Skinny Pa," Louis Armstrong. Don't be talkin' about my wife that way, iPod.
13. What shall they play at my funeral? "Money Tree," Merle Haggard. So my wife's gonna leave my busted ass before I die? Jesus, iPod, you're pretty misogynist today.
14. What type of women do I like? "Sex God Missy," Tad. Damn, it's a good thing I don't have any Mentors or GG Allin on here.
15. How's my love life? "Lethal Tendencies," Hallows Eve. "Out of love/Out of mind/Out of food/Out of time." Nice one, iPod.