YOU DON'T WANT MY JOB

Promo text from the back of a CD I received in today's mail:

[Band Name Goes Here] is a 5 piece melodic hardcore band from Orange County, CA. The group began in the summer of 2003 when vocalist Jesse Barnett was inspired to form a band that would provide him with a medium to project his view points and reflect his musical influences. [Band] blends melody, heaviness, and sincerity into one solid sound that will cater to fans of Comeback Kid, Throwdown, Ignite and Rise Against. When Ash Avildsen of Sumerian Records first noticed the band, he put them on as the opener for Ignite's Anaheim House of Blues show that drew over 850 people. After the incredible response and passionate performance, he immediately signed the band on as their agent and the hype began to spread all of the country. [Band] then completed a Westcoast tour w/Caliban and The Acacia Strain as well as a 7 week co-headline tour w/Too Pure to Die and As Blood Runs Black. [Band] STYG headlined all of the Texas and California shows with all of the turnouts being between 300 and 500 kids. [Band] also holds the record for the highest attendance ever at the Chain Reaction in Anaheim, Orange County's premier all ages venue. Even before signing to Sumerian Records, the amount of momentum behind the band was so powerful that they were chosen to open a Terror tour that also featured The Warriors and All Shall Perish. With the momentum that [Band] created, they caught the attention of almost every independent label in the music community. Rather than jump directly into a record deal, the band continued their relentless touring schedule and headlined a 6 week US tour that firmly planted their stake in the US touring business by drawing on average 400 people a night. The tour ended in San Diego at an New Years Eve show where over 1,200 people were in attendance. [Band]'s diehard touring work ethic combined with their passionate and infectious live show will undoubtedly bring the band success and many exciting opportunities in 2008 including a massive US tour with good friends As Blood Runs Black as well as a large portion of the 2008 Warped Tour

Band name excised because, despite the offensively bad and boring language reproduced above, I will probably wind up assigning a feature on this group to a freelance writer in the semi-near future.